Turbulence

Weight bears,

Drowns drop on drop

Pounds, down and lee-side

Circling, flays.

Moan abreast, and find

each crystal flail a-splatter

Renders space invisible as I

Cup, sip, wish, watch, amazed

Want to fly in this, to ride

storm-astride to lift and foist

Tlaloc's fountain rage.

Anticlimax

Void.
Stride into
Should-be, strong
and tall, so slender wrought,
Ribbon-bound and breathless,
Painted, declaim! And ought
to feel more than this. Dreary
Pulse, sluggish though, and bright
Smile upon glamour.
Greet new devotees, embrace
Past love and gone way. Sway,
So slightly, grit and bear
Bravely dream of dreams today.

Fell

Hand
To face to feel to fold and
Hold, enfold in empathy and
Care, not jade nor turn, nor tear,
But bind, by merest touch
This beating core, for time,
With yours

Gaze

Met in fancy,
Swept by daylight's race
From view and notion fast,
So grieved unknown, retained not
Part nor partial to diurnal pace,
Pilot askew life's course, though
Inquiry begs to differ, no course
Suggested, direction ken by yearn alone;
Drive moonbeam's path to find
Envisaged, real, and face to face,
Passing fancy's reverie.

Bid

Glitz and lights
Number high!
Elect each item, found,
Tables, ticker tape aflow in
Sumptuous overfill and wine.
Cheers to this or other charity;
Pat back, each patron, clap,
applaud and laud and leave
Full-handed, piles of things
Unplanned and purse strings
Loosened much by wish
To far impress, digress, want
Luxury thing or that.
I found
A treasure or two
That night.

Kringla

Quilted warmth, stitch on stitch

Crackles grated in and POP!

Cocoon wrapped bliss 

Cocoa soothes, butter smooth

Absorb adventures out of pages

Hold, quiet, bluster out and drain

No need to face destiny today

Hidden from the rain.

Daguerrotype

Such color! Stain of amazing
Alive! Almost breathing, bleed
Saponin raw and abate.
Albeit, too late for this fancy
Bereft of romance, bright
Color, cool water, breath of breeze!
Rainier stands high - drive and climb,
Paradise beneath thee! And I
Scramble, little crab along,
Fire and ice carved canyon rim,
Abyss, fell water flees down, down
And in! Breath intake, glory and chagrin
Sob as all remembered falls,
Into undone past and fen, fain
Would I give searing ache away,
Should it render gone, one
Mystic, magic, mountain day!

Hebrides

Disarm eve's paramour, Clap in desperation
I do believe in faeries, Tink, I do!
Drunk the draught and I a flighty, fickle friend
I've run and flown and fairly lost and
Blizzard beat, I've swooned. Where's Nome?
Gritted fang and footpad spread, go
Onward - give greatly, count cheaply favors
Given; value high when got, receive them
Moved, as you are, altruist of self-deceit
So row, Michael, on, hallelujah!
Dock at Callanish's port, bow
And grieve again, in toil and heartache
Health and sickness, sorrow/joy
And crossed jots, Tesla's curse and cure
Written and done by Brynner's tone
Commands me there to sway.

Voice

Across space's gasping, grasping chasm

A reach, a reason dim spreads weakly

Petals strewn upon bald ground,

Beyond every damndest damn flung

Forth gone, bottle corked and tossed

Bobs beyond cleft coast, a missive

Lost! But time's betrayer, Fate, or

Luck, or guided Hand, or any

Reason brought away to spread

My word. You found it, broke,

Responded - oh, you heard!

Whelm

Beg each burden on

To climb, grip harder so as

Not to fall away. Pile on!

Lift and carry, Pilgrim!

Strain tendons, will, 

Credulity: can I

Do all this?

Clean ALL the things?

Be the best of me

Again? 

So tired, I beg

Overload to fall away, be

Gone! Leave me!

But then I find just

One more thing.

Honey-do list falls to me,

The list I wrote, to finish

Trails into oblivion!

Each hurdle daunts, derides:

Amelia flies and Orly shies and

Cornbread bakes and I've applied

Myself and won, directing Nana's 

Silly play and books are on their 

Way and I elect my own condition:

Never dull and never finished, but

Tired, oh so tired today!

Catch Up

Tread

In tor's shade,

Steady on.

Heather sweeps sweet scented,

Ruffled mountain's cape

Churn about my feet.

Craggy top bound,

Eye avert, focus

On each toe hold,

Hand to gravel,

Bring to purpose

Peak, 

Complete.

The Smell of Gentle

You know.
I can't explain it;
You remember!
Held in arms that knew you,
Wanted you to be
You, and saw
All faults and failings,
Didn't care. Cradled
You as you are.
Even just the once,
Held fast, held so,
Remember what it smelt like?
Peace, acceptance?
Love?

Hospice

Tightens, burns, I beg
Relief! Ah, sink,
Deft, gently stitch torn
breach to past, bring
Soporific, let me
Drift. Would I bask,
But Sol defies, I see
All blackness - cramping
Help me! Relieve! O!
Give me solace! Turn,
It's day again. Spent
The whole of last in agony
Or haze? I beg
Relief. Hear me?
Turn me, change. Oh! Didn't
Mean to soil. Shame - oh!
This morning, did I see?
A hand held mine,
Briefly.

Wed

Rock wall, stood
To crash, to rush
And flashing end find here upon
Shadow cast, 'gain blue contrast,
Save, resolute
And final, waves abate and
Splash! What show
And Solitude
Safe, these four feet
Keep me,
From sea's
Angry self, somehow a
Tame, predicted swell

Radio

Farmer in the Dell,
Roll on, Henry,
Face puffer wall, inflate,
Diffuse the fire and Fate
Smiles, apprehensive
Time, truth, or both
Led us back, Not
So different after all, Tim
Have a bit of
Faith in me, my little
Jewel, don't make me want
To make it better, Jude,
Beseech you please don't
Leave me
Sober
Now

Reach

Why not?
Worst thing, if I fail:
To fail
At just this one thing.
Trail feet in treetops,
Moonbeam's tail
Ahead, I grasp
Hands empty! But,
Only lack of filling -
Not empty again.

Sensible

Imagine
Ran away, I
Saw, pretended, met
Friends, frivolity
Ate, drank, merry-made, and
Live tomorrow, long
And prosper? But
Must apply, abide, arbeit,
Days in/out, toil on
To solve, attain, and keep
As Mine
These things? So -
So humdrum,
Acceptable,
So strong to weave
Cords attach
Possessions to me,
Fast! I labor;
I will work to
Make illusion last.

Cordis

Heave to! Tide waits none,
Nor we tarry, dawn encroaches!
Sweeps to sea, to stink and rot and
Creaking flight, to Open sky, to
Swells, to life! But!
Tug! vain, silly strings - tug
Beating, quavering polestar
Right about - and, beam of smiling
Turn wanderlust-rid seafarer back
To port of call, I shall not
Wander more, I shall not go
Gently into that cold night, I
Shall not leave thee, Exeter!
My gift, again my song, I bring,
I carry with me home.

Hold

Tiny token, this
Mini trifle, edge and haft
Of bliss, a pixie's lips not far left
A-trembling, trip air's wings lightly
Bring weed's trophy deft and flit
Grasped close, enough of dancing
Carry soft to land and root
Draw milk, drink earth's dew
Nestle, softly smile
And rest.

Hunger

Hours of moments - Want,
but wait, prepare, caress, imagine.
What will be when had, oh satiety!
I dither, dicker, hum along to
Radio and hymn - as kitchen bound
and lethal carbon's twist sought out,
platter present, and oh! lament! I wanted
Once. I did, I truly! What of all this
cavern's echoes caught the longing,
took it back and hence, now
rather than partake, I weep.

Today's Me

Contentment breeds.
Give on? Oh, it's fine.
No matter, the little way
a molehill, only. Ply trade
of deceit and pass this by
I can't be bothered to clean
that mess, so skip! Don't knock.
Here, I'm busy being peaceful:
have what I need and then
some wants fulfilled, least
not of all my fullest heart
So many loves to live and care
them all for. My lives and past
horizon glimmers, lace arm in arm
and fingers twine and skip. I
wouldn't miss this, though
Hell should bar the way, to be
today's version of this life,
I lead.

How do you Suppose?

What's the color of your pen, Jim?
Attorney fees collected, saunter off
Grab coffee. Just a little white one -
Coffee. Cream and crystal sugar.
Just a minor indiscretion. Pause
For relief of headache, tension,
Take a "pill" inside the whorehouse
Ease your nerves.
Don't be caught, Bill: though
All fib to hide our dark side,
All have to cover up, save Glenn,
Any others there?
Not to stare, as Matthew said, but
True! Deny biology and fate -
Choose to be faithful, cleave
to none other - though she changes?
Will's star-crossing eschew
Though she wavers, waits toe-tapping
nags, you napping, sighs, rolls eyes,
And yet!
Will you kneel, will you ask?
Fall into the trap, the task? And pledge,
Though all be lost, to lose yourself in this?
And risk?

Beast

Grog, spice and song, avast! Alas!
My mind I've hidden long, my cropped
locks gone, a-smear my smile and glance
to be recognized and seen. To shed
both frill and frolic, must appear as low.
In full dressage, I mocked the epic, found
enraptured public longed to see, to feel, to be me
and yet, was I, made up to seem as I
should be, should I choose the mirror, glare,
the glitz of adoration to my shoes
I walk. I sleep and dream.
The few, the proud, crew cut and clean
stand tall, side-step the dance I be
and twist. I drive to drink and play DD
I burn and flame in search, in spite,
in play and I play at being this, press mute.
Aloud and proud and larger than
coldest reaper's blade - I dodge,
one-two, that vorpal blade, begone!
No! Give to me! I hunt. I stalk
and trace, soft patterns on your face
and skin, embrace, and twine again,
seek out the ides, the ism, whys - give I
a rat's apparel? Addiction commercial and for
Swine! Have oyster's children, love them -shine!
I have found the Kraken and he walks,
he sleeps, he dreams
daily in my breast.

Over

Heat and humid heart have faced thee
Gone, Florence, let be! As have been
To come anon - patience! Let's fall and
Fall in sway will brighten, chill.
Bring the little death, flurry by, rise
And circle blue painted pole to say
Again to welcome, May abide
Enlighten all and lift, dune grass
In offshore gale to sway, in grey.
Remind me, sweep, of Ever and gone
Sigh and enter dog days on.

Worth

Not who you thought
I would be, not the Beth
To stay home sweetly, not
The all-devoted, shy, and
Musically inclined to bring to life
Borrowed ivory. Not studious, wispy,
Sad and lonely, soft and sickly,
Penitent and holy, gone before
My time so you could miss me.
Not who you thought
Or expected, not M.E.
To save some pages, not
The dauntless case for right,
Courage to face mobs and rifles,
Faith enough to fish for passage money, not
A lover to a leader and crusade,
Bring family to follow me, and teach
So you could hear me.
Not who you dreamed
I would be, not a
Little copy of you, not
A caterpillar chaser in
A kitchen take my shoes off,
Rest my aching, swollen feet! Not
Sad or lonely, soft and sickly,
Strong and twisted, oft outspoken
My beliefs you disagree
So you debate me.
Not who you thought
I would be.

Wait

And on
Drift, hold, paddle a time
Rock over, chafe, drain
And on
Imagine ticking, chiming, passing
Solitude no more, and arms
Enfolding, touch of care
And on
Pretend it's over, burning sun
Gone down and spent, salt
Encrusted self entrusted
to a Self of new interpretation
On
It must be over
Soon

Just So

Test over
Little one
The world outside wails on
Best beloved, let's stay
Inside and watch the rain
Today
Swallow. Chant:
I did not lose you
Did not fail
Taffimai, I went
And did, and found, and kept
Protected you as ought
Today
What mischief
Little one,
Will you make
When next we go about
To play?

Thatch

Apothecary gie me
summat t' fix awd aching:
I lost anither hope this day.
Hie to hame a' spare nae haste!
I quake a' greet a' tremble,
await yer luving arms' embrace.

Smelt

Burned and beaten

Iron, steel, worked as fitted

Whim and tally-ho and wield as though

Protectant shield, lance, awl, to span,

Minute flint spalls, aft and gone

Pour imperative, steam on! And build

Each spattering drop a testament

To ore of rock, to matter’s mind

To Mastery of glittery find, of stain

Of power, strain, sweat, Smithy, blow

Air to cool and shape and vent,

Air to chill, add blast torment to

Ready twisted, battered haft

Suffers to become as must

Core-self, real self, esteemed-high self.

Never to self-pity self, smooth, deft

As ever practiced, twisted, wicked blade.

Waif

Had I blinked, I’d

Have missed this little

Miss misfortune, had I

Stepped the other way:

Unknown passing on my head,

But somehow turned this way, a

Quivering, cowering lone li’l beastie

Trused me, completely.

And home we went, and home we are

Gone the days without those eyes

Sparkling, dancing, dart around my feet

And curl beside me, oh, little she!

Did I notice this piece missing, in life?

Or feel an emptiness, a hole, a place

That needed filled, awaiting

Little miss?

More Room

Bark fingers, follow Elle
Bend and snap and snap again!
Wrestle cousin, friend, own arm
For brighter day, unknowing:
Ra rolls on, supplies with D
Bathe chlorophyll-sought power
Render reaching faulty.
Root then for rain, twist
and shout at weight above borne
Pale twigs thickening, turn:
Envious and bold, grow on!

Zen

In twilight dim, along this road
Step, stay, skip and skim,
Pause, reflect, hale evening in.
Let loose the morning, noon, and now
Peace and still bring in to hold
Exert in motion, tension ease
And follow Sol in care to sleep.

Judge This!

From ash, from hemlock, fir and vine
Flit the wee things, hum and stir
Fern's gully shines, Meeko dives,
And Na'vi follow Toruk on-
If Santayana's folly true, we'll
Praise Dear Leader, adage bold
Become a Pastwatch series, fall,
Find Cristóbal Colón's Creator, take
Liberties with history's soul, evolve
and eke as Ik - have they remembered true?
Self-preserved, at infant's cost and wail,
No chance, but one, and grasped as life
Ebbs in, eggs on, crowds out the id,
Ego inflated, altruist again antagonizes,
Sigmund, I fear you see aright, and so
I parse and psychoanalyze my life.

Unfixable

Touch gently hearts and twine
Sparkling newness, brightly shimmer
Learn all new and dance in sunlight
Whisper nothings, stargaze write of Love
and slowly fit to grooves and mold and
One day find, that nothing new rends
Love less fascinating, chase is over
tea is cold and sink drain beckons -
This is over, done, and gone.
Now only left to break the news
Hide, wait, put off the heartbreak
Watch and pity, day to day, as
Love goes on unknowing. Pity leans to loathe,
Learns to look down.
Can't stand around and then
Someone smiles and lights your fire.
You must have this new thing: lust
pushes, draws you on and in, speaking
Learning, want to love new, leave the old.
And so, the heartbreak, at this last moment,
Made impersonal, ease your guilt,
to injure less, if only never known
Tonight's conquest plans. But what?
Dare to question you, your reasons?
Lowered, begs. Pity faded, loathing in;
No appeal can move you now. How dare
Reason with rejection? Go!
Before your new love finds, your past -
Humiliated, weeping, whom you loved before.

Curse of Happiness

Given roundaboutly
Deceit in mind, stealth to hand
A gift, a torment. Wounds flung open;
Swallow, smile and take the treasure. Thank
Messenger's hand caught
So gently stones betwixt and ween.
Cursed tiny flower, could have stayed
Roadside haply, given thoughtlessly anywhere -
to other heart. Other hand. Not this, not mine!
Re-draw shattered soul to fire. Is this to mend?
Melt edged pieces, mold a hold
To steep the roses, sip the joy
Happiness is happiness,
Route is moot. Is angst, this time
Is foiled.

Dervish

Forge, find, and flaunt it - exhude, exhale
Some way to breathe! Face and force
Focus, stare, glare and glimmer - believe!
Think you're this star shine, ebony pale
and in contradiction's echoed sympathy
Learn to grieve. And give, and burn for me!
Spin, grin, invite the flashing paparazzi in!
Nothing to hide means nothing's safe,
But no shame. Holds unbarred, light away
and trail those envied glory clouds
'Cross meteor-streaked wonder sky
Flail madly into outer darkness find
Emptiness and nothing. Fly!

Donum of Fides / Trepidus Mihi

Brutus' ally? Et tu you?
Sweet eyes have lied; I fell as did our CIA to
Hiss and Ames alike, I am no stranger here.
Dare believe in once and always?
Tim'rous beastie, plans I've made,
Ever after, striven for again
In dark and dim and dreading
Loss and fearing leaving. Oh
Beowulf slay my demon Doubt!
Fool me once and shame to lies,
But dare I play the fool anew?
In song, ride on, bold Highwayman,
To this Bess awaits your call,
in dark night, trigger mine.
A blast, as sought by Fawkes,
Enfold my works in fire, and Bang!
Believe? Dare I, Marion, flee
to the Greenwood Tree, and
give with you to they who need?
So strong am I, steel beneath this sugar sweet,
From disappointment, loss, regret: am I
Ready once again now, Pollard? Guide me
Win my "Hunnert Grander", heart and feet!
As tread on softly, steady, falter none
Believe? I want to! Bring me home!

Sing

Because I can
Music plays and bounds -
Why stand, toe-tapping on to
Merely hear and hum?
Wallflower, wilt and see
As she and he and he
Winnow in and flit about and
Hive and have and live and I
Look on, but no!
No more for me the side of things
No shadow's edge, peer from the frame,
I'll Be, be me, and he and he and she
Can see, hear and think what they will
I'll be and loudly so and find
My time and place and self in this
Night of deciding and dreading
And freely wheeling whirling mind
to fathom on the way I'll hide in
Open air and brash portrayal -
Fear will tremble, set aside.
Breathe deep, abandon peremptory call,
Lower lashes, unclench hands, and Sing!
Sing out, and long and loud of vindication
Empty into song all tension, strain,
Negatives and worry push out, away.
Drain! And leave stage empty,
Exhausted, savage, free.
A sponge to each next thing.

Tossed

Trampled 'neath careless discarded mess
Filthy and alone, hope abandoned, lifts
"saved" today for one night's stand!
Harsh morning's light sheds, glares,
Exposes inconsistencies. Now the one,
Or the first - which life better? Frenzied
Passion now, for chance of ruin? Or
peace and reprimand. O choose!

Tangles

Strings of this heart
Wrapped so tight round
Fearless stranger. Lie
down and give pretense all;
Stand tall for tiny something.
Face wished-on good, for greater:
Judge tomorrow, guess, divine,
And reason cannot fight these
Twists inside, and love like mine.

Today's Promise

Make same promise
Day on day:
To try,
To build,
Not success,
Just enough;
A step, though small,
An effort, push,
Brick by brick; this wall
Tear down and let
The sun shine in!

Writer's Block

Assigned creation, stare at space
Muse, I'd like, but nae mair seek
Nor mind's gaze to Lethe flit
Bare walls, a spider's skein
Attention's wage appropriate
Faults nor epic fathoms make.

Not Like Me

Impossibly far, but reach!
Beyond belief, opposed space,
Touch new and neverending, how?
For now. Today. 
Blend yang with yin and Tao,
Tie-dyed pang with hope just
Found. Hold fast, grit jaw,
And vow. For all and always
Mine!

Making it Work

No pretense
No balance, fragile: fear to break the silence -
Speak! And hear, and know all open
Here - small stings of real, avert
Catastrophe of built-up bites and strain;
Bind, build, and make a life
Of compromise, to last.

Scotch Broom

Dominated, frustrated,
Incapacitated by this;
Such a tiny thing, and lovely
In its way, brings
Misplaced blame, attack my
Self and wear away a
Semblance of ease
Golden froth
of layered petals
Muffle breath
And swell, and sear
Worn and weary me.

And Go

Found? Doubt evidence sound,
Exclude to exhaust and enhance -
Abound, expound reason to remain
Lost. Hypothesize ten thousand
Fireflies and fall asleep in bed of
Memory sweet, foam and form to me,
Set, gently, night, embrace me! Wait!
Embrace? Solo form aqui, and so
Arise and go, to rusty springs and
Terrapin, to pine and wait for two,
For evidence again, to be discovered
Understood, enfolded. Found.

Less of a Dork

Still carrying, moving

On, up, away!

Sweet milky tea I sip a while

Then shower tears aside and lie,

Say I'm okay.

Not so alone, and not afraid:

What left to fear have I,

After shattered dreams and hope

Rebuilt last time, betrayed.

Impersonal waste, the words untrue -

Sentiment aside! I wavered, gave

All to try, all selfless pride, 

Became the shade, set mess to rights, 

Abandoned shame and begged

for change. Too much, I should have

Stayed ridiculous and same. Not 

Evolved as someone subtly sane, less

Of a dork than I had been.

Dredge

Call forth lost times

As though to change 

If I re-analyze. Should have said...

Could have done...

Nothing. I am I and would do

Just the same, so why

Drag through old miseries?

Re-live dreams woken,

Correct words, not spoken in time

Let them go! But, as me,

At this time, to embrace

Where I've been: To enhance where I am,

Re-discover all the jigsaws fitting in

Instead of chasing shadows

In memory's fickle rain.

I Do!

Tread,

Inhale, one foot ahead.

Forward into this

Abyss of world and wide awake -

Belong and quake afraid

To lose? To keep me safe?

Or lose myself again in shadow;

Follow, imitate?

Retreat? Can't leave this,

Can't shake this dread, but 

I look up and, oh

My welcome! 

Tread,

Next foot forward into this,

Horizon of home and love and heart's

Sweet bliss ahead! 

On Edge

Lie back

Pretend comfort, peace

Reach, touch, clean.

Do things! Live here, 

Be real here, and how

not be Really here?

Check connection status

Online, in arms, distant, here

Blocked! and walled-in

Peeked out and slammed,

Withdrew again. Why my

defenses, paper thin, build

Walls of steel

Un-fathomed. Real

and I the other side.

And I Bleed

Not for hurt, not for time;
Ember of living, scab end flow!
Tie off so well, internal floods
tears of the inside, the being, my life!
Whispers of time flown and
can't be got back.
Tourniquet pulled and alone
to clot, attempt to stop;
Heal and undo, yet i bleed.

As Alice

Cheshire grin of sliver moon
slips round willow whispering
Shiver now, goosebumps abound
When Jabberwocky creeps inside and
Hunts elusive, centered mind,
Hidden long from drunken queen,
power hungry, cruelly sought
Tally-ho behind a fleeting flight
chased, mocking, prey that sought
exit from exposing flaws and
One by one, all cutting down
Sliced in vein in vain revenge
As shards of broken looking glass
bleed their crystal tears again.

Drive

drive the droves
in driven fury
fight this fiend's flattery
frantic with worry and
give on given graven goods
though grief stricken
go!
and learn to live again.

Earned Solace

Scramble

Grab roots, sweat and

Climb!

Granite under mulch and 

twists of vine. 

World is all warm dirt and grasp,

Strain as horizon

Breaks over crest;

Freedom greets my peace;

Emptiness, solitude

finds its place at last.

I Want to Believe

Endings

Many and many and more

So hard, a realist, I'm

Cynical now.

All ends!

And this,

It will go, much

as I beg lasting. Much

as I long, it will

End.

Like the rest. 

I don't, can't believe in 

Forever.

But oh,

Here now, with this,

Hope gleams, 

And I wish.

Learning Steps

Crave
This gentle jealousy
I see
The way you shine,
Reflect in eyes so proud
Have I ever shone so bright?
Ever, held so close in thought,
Been recipient of care
And wanted?
Worlds shifted for you
When you arrived
Cravings tossed aside, you became
The new addiction, reason to be!
And I, was I a reason,
Ever, even to share?
To care at all? But,
No begrudging, no remorse
Can I hold toward you.
How could I? You shine
In eyes so proud,
In mine!

Zolpidem

Ebb inside and work beneath
Drowse into being and slumber
Oh sleep! Medic aside, I tried
In dreaming's camp, on pillow rest -
Hours before I'm needed yet. And so
I pose as once I floated on and
bid the daylight pass along.

Desensitized

(This is why depersonalization episodes are horrible sometimes. I almost don't want to post this one.)

He dies
In my arms, on this table.
Compressions won't fix
his stiffening heart, yet I press
and press on
Come On! He won't breathe, can't.
And as I say "we've lost him"
My mind catches hold of an old
Joke. And I stifle giggles,
while she stifles tears.

Ended Hoard

How?

This place so big

Is this how home feels?

Safety? 

Scared of the absence of fear

Of stink, cramp, and horror:

We're all alive and clean here.

How?

And then, a change, a ride, a friend.

Is this home now? 

No bars, the walls so far away.

Is this how daylight feels?

Dare to run? Dare not? Space and sky and love,

And little me.

Drag

Do I ever remember
The bliss of well-rested?
Jacks lack of slumber, stalks
Attack as I rise. Eat, drink, and be
Merry all day. Manic, push, evade
yawn and giggle. Then as late arrives
Wide, wide those eyes and smile -
Now is my time! But to dream?
No, to be! This is me! And my high
and my drain. Someday I will
rest again.

Better than

Almost good and right

So close to fitting, squeeze!

Burst seams, but try

It's almost love to last and

Almost all my life.

So fall, yes, but drop and maim?

Abandon, leave crushed

someone you claimed to love 

until time stood still?

Fell apart, not quite right

But truth told, harsh and clear

More right than this, easier 

to bear than estranged tears. Go, 

if you must, but at least

Say goodbye!

Blood is Thicker

Run!

When facing can't break

Too much this risk 

to take with an argument

Maybe a failing to tear it away.

But run!

Too many sleepless and sobbing nights

Hide the crying 'neath covers

Tight around. Don't let them in

to know that it hurts!

Run!

Though joints and breath fight it

genetically so, was it planned? For shame, No!

Unintended rending, this, not abusive,

Said it's all okay. Said I'm a fool to go,

But run!

Build up courage to face

In time, heal, and make life thy own

My own. My defense, solace, place.

Trust in someone, if at all I breathe,

Finally give, finally care, just to grieve:

Waited so long for a shoulder,

I can only cry alone. Please,

Don't let me be alone. Or I must

Run!

Mulligan!

Terrace, course coarseles,
Nature sculpted smooth
Leaves bend as willed,
Wilderness, wildless.
Tidy acres glisten
a-dewed of sprinklers
ticking on.

Break into Canter

I hear your wildness
Hearts beat together, skip,
Test boundaries, cautiously
Untried and unsure, yet destined for truth
Earth core's stirred energies,
For both of us stored. I to ride,
you to run, and we
We!
Discover the greatness of whole
Of this race, and this place
under the wide Father Sky!

So Much

Gift
Spreads thin time:
Some taken for kindness,
Cleft hardening doubt and bought
By gentle thought and dear.
One tiny gift, gesture plain,
Lifted my world tonight.
I give thanks.

Evening

Day gone, flown on:
Come, Maude, the garden calls us still,
As jasmine, heady, sinks around and
Smog, polluted, vile, enchants,
Trails wisps of agate sky to twist
And eddy gentle, soft breeze lift
So mind's eyes drink in dusky dim
As cellar door lies open, begs
us lightly enter in.

Again

More?
Aught to follow, now
After Hell itself burned bright around
My cow'ring form,
Amid the shiny demons?
More, now?
To try again, to lift, to life
Though panic flight incites,
And cringing arm withdraws?
Quail? Not I...
But I, chill dread accept and turn.
Easier to face
The solitary road ahead
Than risk
Yon jagged, gaping hole,
Awaits my lifted eye!

Facing Tension

Hold steady. Hold and
Be! Thy ohm afloat,
Find peace and try, oh try!
Tennyson's "Courage" roams a loss
Beside despair in frantic eyes.
Dinna fash! My love, serene
Ever so softly, caresses. Wash
eddies of jetsam in air aside.
Hold, oh hold - echo Rose's plea
Give tension leave to pass
Marrow soothe and grieve as
Sorrow flows: let it go! Be sad,
stand gutless, stand guiltless, afraid and Be!
One in empty, full of grief, but stand
aside nirvana, don't let go!
Cleanse by bearing, find
amid emotions wild, thy peace
Surrender, breathe, and find
yourself for me!

Just Met

How so strong a bond
Friend for life of just
One evening? Meet
Random in the street:
Warm inside and smile.
Greet, fret none, sigh.
Embrace. Walk on, and I
Will call you if I need
You're there, no doubt
Faithful, fierce, so kind
Glory be the name of
Friend, one magic night
for life!

Foster

Handed on to better
Gift of farewell, lifted, gone.
Confusion, right, and good
Supposed it would be
An easy goodbye -
not gone forever, I'll see
how hearts will graft and twine;
Life with theirs combine.
Forget my home, my bed,
My entire involvement.
This was supposed to be
An easy goodbye.

And I Have

Love moves, inspires
I do for this, whatever
Anything. That's love
To do, to be
Everything.
And bliss is mine to find
I'm wrapped inside your life
And love, and arms
This time of holding on
Not perfect forever.
But good, oh, so good
For ever so long.
And mine.

Relay of Life

Walk
In the lane clearly marked
"For Runners/No Walking" and arrows
Snide tide, I hold back
because you walk.
Crookedly, slow,
Lap upon sweltering lap
I pass again, swooping
Around and gasp as I churn
legs, arms, and breath, faster!
Bitten tongue again,
As I swerve to pass and you
Walk
Though reading, or caring for rule, seems
not the strongest suit for you.
You walk. Slowly
to remember, and fight
To beat the demons.
You walk.

Abercrombie

Flawless
Sleek, and smooth
Tatters upon glory
Trailing seams of silken beacon
Tangle, tousle, touch again
And play.

Feels Good

Did I just exhale?
So much tension gone
Shoulders roll
Easy
Cold doesn't chill -
Warmth exuding.
My face: I've been smiling
All day.
Hold back nothing;
What is TMJ?
Acupressurized placebo,
non therapy-induced -
Is this what happens?
Accepted. Changed.
Feeling all I am,
Alone, but safe,
In momentary lapse,
And I relax.

Daily Grind

Life intrudes
Give way for daily rote!
Make time to rush
Steal a kiss or three
Smell the flowers
Be
Between sinks into
Frantic, disheveled
Reality

After Trauma

I only hate when I remember
Only when it burns
When I remember
It shouldn't take forever
To remember to forget
That I never have to
Never need to run
again, from this.
Never need to hide
No more fear,
If I can just remember
to forget to remember again.

Imbalance

How good is too cruel
Amazing, wrong for you
Can I take all you are
Laughing
Never look over shoulder
See you broken as I stay
To play, today, for all forever now?
Facade, escapade, mystery so plain
Between you and a hard place, your face I adore
Abhore I crumble to dysfunction
Imminent and breathing
Stupid is as does, I suppose I fell, you do
Daily take my shit, always fall for it,
What to see if you can take it
Make it right for we? I'll try
Mind, it's right, over matter, fine!
Give my breath,
Time
Together, you're mine and I find
that I can't stay amazed again
So now don't wake, softly
As I leave you. Don't dream
of me, turn in your sleep to hold what I can't be
There, messed in my mind, wrong
When you see I don't know who to be
Wrong for you, maybe wrong for me

Fairy Tale Ending

Mankind's potion,
Faust aside
Accidentally cruel, or
Mistakenly kind?
Pity in weakness
or sorrow for shame
Out your own window to
Weather your foibles and
Burnish your affluence
"Know thyself" then and today
lay thy plans, storm dungeons
o valiant, mouse of men;
Retreat and beat the hand
that fed you as a babe
and raised you up to curse the day
you birthed and bawled and
met the world, a new bald scraeling,
Empty pages yet to fill - to tear
and scribble out, erase and pen -
Scribe thy saga, Cinderella of this
Misery now, but faithful at last.

The Biggest Difference

Am I seen truly

in wonder or settlement?

Find in my freedom

your own, or new shackles?

I am the same

And you, oh you both sides affix

and afflict with intention!

And on in eros, in eras, in space

See me, see destiny! or cringe at the lowliness,

brought you to find me: brings home and you here:

High is the pedestal, lowly the loam, 

Chasm betwixt too immense to be breached.

And so, shall you keep me above or beneath?

Hair Coat

Sleek lovely shades caress
with care, tear out
what lies beneath
No need to buffer
from chill and wear
undercoat of armor
Stripped to fit
Accepted norm,
Now be seen invincible
not appearing unprotected
As you are.

Forever

It always means
Until
Nae, I mean to stay! Protest long
And loud - not I, to falter, hurt you, leave.
I am not the same as he;
I'll not leave you behind, nor go on without.
I need you. Need.
Forever.
Protest loud and long
It always means until:
Forever

Monster

Seen as darkness
Broken, vile
Bad inside, and wrong
Why this mark, this scar?
Step away! Why?
Oh why did I look?
Oh, Christine!
My love has let me go,
I peer beyond,
Un-allowed to see
I saw the key, withheld
and held against me
I have answers to questions
Unasked, and to riddles
Unspoken, having seen
through the ring of ice
Inside the beast, the way
to unwanted peace.

In this Bubble

Harm none
Heal, rest, ponder
Laugh aloud and sing
Alone. With me.
Touch lightly
Love fully. Breathe.
Keep compassion,
Remember to thank
Those who please.

Understanding Sylvia

Wider smile, shimmy and clap
Add in volume, quick retort
Witty banter, intellect abounds
Between bouts of brawn
Frenetic motion, some erratic
Run, play, pound!
Encompass all in whirling frenzy
Edge of chaos waits in spite
holds in anguish, fear, despair
Until, as placed by loving hands
my bell jar gently rests from falling
atop my spinning world
and on the ground.

Leuk

Cells so tiny
How can they end
a beast as this?
I could break those cells and crush them,
Smash and quell them,
Make them cease to be!
Cells so tiny,
I could stop them -
But they're me.

Anxiety

Fight all known
Else unknown, you all
Afraid fight on!
Despair to lose, aye,
Dread to win - For then what?
In peace, jitters crave war
Endorphins crash into emotions
Bring the battle. Create your chaos
and stir amid it all the peace
Foregone of friends and lovers.

Joy

Where this optimism?
How it builds, elapses,
Still entangles! Eyes shine
Glisten, dance - lashes flow
frame gleaming shine.
Grin and bear with
Grit the days, enjoy
them one and all because
you Must. Escape deep darkness
Skirt all evil thoughts and whereabouts
forced manic extroversion key
to blessed oblivion of just
Happy.

Shower

Steam and song
rise, surround
scrub and ohm.
Tile warms; window builds fog.
Shreds of care, of worry
ebb and ease with
Rinse, repeat, re-sing refrain
Tension leaving, left and gone.
Terry-wrap and faucet turn,
and sink in solace,
Mab to seek.

At the Jetty

Balance, pose
Flare to flair and then,
Let go of driftwood, lift on air,
Land in sand and then,
Dance light footed, break to run.
Elicit landed murmuration's
Sparkling, swift, and sweet migration,
Off jetty's sandy shoulders as
Solitaries left behind jump,
Flutter from the wave.

Sweet

Kind, soft touch, so new?
Sorrow for lack
for gentleness unknown
Peace unenfolded and arms unembraced
Never felt?
Weep for missing touches
lost caress, imagined hand
to hold, shoulder to lean.
Mentor to guide
lover to lie. Oh
Lack of indulgence in peace!

Migraine

End,
Please,
Or replace!
Unknown terror better
than unquenched ache -
Tugs and binding tight
Bands of steel, drills of ice
Inside the melded mind
Of I, and why?
For care?
End, gnawing,
aching pain,
Oh, end!

Morning After

Same place
New
How, magic,
chamelion-eyed
saw tearing shield,
calloused arm?
Etherium
crash down
Bring sorcery
Here
Abound amazement
Smith's orbs
Wide to see, as
Neophyte to joy
This time around

Dirge

Barely knew
Who
A few stories, a song
Laughter, deception
You to her,
She to them? When
Did you know?
To grieve more
What's gone,
Or should have been?
Reflect her, in life,
or just in tears
Shining as they fall,
Bear witness to loss
of another.

Open

Rubble strewn
Gravel hid
Amid
The trail of gone
Amulets lie
and I
Alone
Plod on
See beyond
Open eyes
Vista of all, pass beyond
The rubble and sigh.
Sky is wide
And I
Lean on
Open

I wanna be a rock star

No one can touch a star:
Bend or break them
or make them unhappy.
No one can catch a star:
hold them or keep them
or change them in any way.
No one can touch a star.

Love Song

There are so many songs in the world
That say what I'm dying to say
There are so many poems and phrases,
So many words in the way!
But it isn't my voice singing those love songs!
It isn't my heart swearing those words!
If I had more ways to say it, of course I would,
And If I had music, I could play it, play it good!
But that's other people's music, other people's songs;
I didn't write the lyrics, but I can sing along.
Then it'll be my voice singing her love song.
My voice, from my heart, slurring her words, her love
To her you.

Mediocre

I like to think that I
Would have chosen this life anyway,
not wait for the magic click,
but then it was a perfect fit.
Surprisingly enough, it was ok with me
Being submissive,
Giving in, not baring hisses.
Come home soon, purse on shelf
Tuck me in, hold me tight.
Suffer the night,
For promise of
One more try, by daylight.

There's a passion in standing still,
Floating with the grain,
Something heroic in being mediocre,
So I would do the same again.

Hero

You don't have to ride a charger
With a suit of chain mail
And a sword in your hand
To be a Hero
Don't have to contend hand-to-hand
With fiery dragons
and be knighted by a king

You don't have to be brawny and fair
With a mountain of strength
And a mind to compute
To be a Hero
All you need is to care at all,
to want to make it different, offer
your hand to lift a friend
To be My Hero

Faith

Life's blows, punches thrown wild
She counters!
Fire chases,
She feeds death to flames awash in waves!
You see,
for you, she fights the dragons.
For you, she will be strong.
When defeat looms close,
And sorrow lends a curse or two,
She holds you up, if you allow.
Believe:
That she can love you, set you free.
Trust her, please!
Why won't you trust her?
She is
Me

Aroma

Deep, rich, dark
Distance, wealth, lack of light
Sweet is taste, wild is why.
How to say a smell of warm
of purring fur, content
How to convey
This feline form of grace
Stands upon me
Rubbing cheek to face.