Pastel

Broad color sweep, define!
Smudge/swipe, find the sea,
The shore, a gull appears and
Dune grass wavers,
Taste the tang and feel the
Breeze, this peace
In wax and canvas wrought.

Prodigy

aged so young and sad,
so young!
childhood flung aside as
moulded coat, abhorred, i beg
don't race!
you'll face this soon enough,
rage, deceit, and passion, pain,
amazing, raw, alive and so,
that peace ne'er re-attained
you'll weep as all, bittersweet
remind us of the lost. why
won't you listen?
play!

Nude

stripped,
wide and own
proud temerity slinks
so sweetly into steam
flaws in focus, form
addressed in censure's eye,
but glint this eye and grin,
a shift and oh!
rare beauty stands
before me

Wake

too dear, beyond
my mind's eye, understanding!
want so, to hold,
imperfections, foibles all,
so dear, this mirror-image
in another life.

Trade

leave a piece
of soul with me, and
soldier on, take
handful of my life
and stride away
to seek evasive fortune,
pretty face. but never
no, never regret this
lock of heart tress, my
gaping wound of gone,
grow fonder night on day
and never as united stand
as after roaming, home.

Sport

just we two arrive
and so, play on! we
can sweat, create, and be
alone, or these, or three:
if any arrive to join
melee, and foam in wave
of welcome, stay! and
live this slice of time
this game!

Wisp

Feather spin, elude,
Escape tensed fingers' reach
Evade paws flailed at thee and
Race upon a breath of breeze.
Clarity reduce,
Refrain mind's soulful need
To aid, brawn's bear-hug
Deftly made, and leave, o
Misst, mein mist it clouds,
Resounding echoes pound
In fog: is thought of sideways
Error-bound expression: try
To find this feather's reason
Stay!

about_blank

Dizzy in motion so
Still a whirl of a thrill alight
A beam, delight, but
Why? Erupting
Damned endorphins' ploy
Chicanery and flay broad
Terra's atoms wide in
Glee! But I
Elapse, abstain and find
A-tingle, glimpse of vast
Endeavor, out beyond
This pasted revelry, and
All, now Cling! Daren't
Lose mania, clutch
Again at empty
...lost...
at what?

Renovate

Pillage, now in moderation
Ply and pry to fragment form:
All just to build, to brighten
Bring to life, to light, to space
Inside, and place in
Places planned each bit
Of memory displayed on
Shelf and tile, reflected
Burnt in aching arms and
Side, wide smile at chores
Attained!

Prior

waver, just
inhale, sip
faintest hint
at edge of...

Tryst

tantalize and taste in

air each dizzy breath and

sway, did i begin this? blink and

suddenly give in? to which pagan

fiend does writhe owe

fresh obeisance? lift

alms and arms to Asherah

or Bast? if any owed

beyond this smile, this face

and echo of a moan.

Pause

Alight, and
Sway, foliage drop and
Fling, loud, crackle
Flares of frustrate
Peaces torn,
But
All I did was
Land

can't

chassis, wick, and faulted, drag
suffer, strive to feed same failing form
and Jones compete. ache to build
as ample show as they, though
never here to see, so much
to do away, to make, create
and earn, in cavy dash, a
living wage, 'though worth
an hour weighed meant life
each moment whisked aside
to forge same features on.

sans elliott

who defined us? who
first tried us? who
defriended, soft, defied us?
when it ended, who supplied us
with a moment, with a song? who
enlarged our scope and spied us
recognized the love inside us, brought
our tension out and plied us with a
deeper, kinder bond? and when it
felt like we had lost us who stayed here
and who forgot us? who made eons fly
and echoes boom, brought out our
elephant in rooms of doubt from corner
bunnies dusted and who felt and shared
and loved us when we
thought we were alone?
o did any see who held us?
who cried over us and led us
over mountains in our minds and
brought us home to find our rest? did
karma, kismet meet and plot to place an
ally in our way or ways, a soldier's arm, a
hermit's bow, a waif to ply a bitter wave? did they
by once-lost lovers leave behind a stepping stone from
grief that might, if leapt upon, propel us on? did they
indeed align these mirror images of
freckles in our eyes? did i?

Thresh

Step on tread on beat beneath me sod and

Tramp down brickle, thorn, and vine, tamp

Into place trails, wending, wide, drag

Double-bitted bite around, swing 

Fell bent and broken branches, kindle

Pile to burn inside, to grill and laugh

This party planned so long advance to

Leer and sway in liquor's haze a

Long awaited song refrain hum now

As one foot follows, drips perspire

Expire in exhalation, drought on lips chapped

Lick to tame and shoulder on, lift

Arbor's arms asunder, toss on pile to 

Moulder, gain endorphin there inside

As I demolish what grew on

Alive

Graven

Promise, fraud of whitest perjur, 

Flower willingly deceived,

Jack's sudden lack of effort:

Then, orphaned listless, sing

To fly, and cry, to try...

Let go? 

Can one scar discard, or

Chasm,

Molten meld, to mend?

Will, would, wanted

If abandon to 

Abyss of time or

Was?

Unsay all spoken? Oh!

Possible, elapsed echoes scan

To press Undo? 

Un-forsake and 

Re-awake? Rebuild cold wall of safety?

Repair Scrat's etching, fault erase, 

Bring home such truth:

Unexplained and uncontained,

Re-do? Re-live excrutiating

Reinvention? Adaptation into

Chrysalis and wing?

Far be it fancy thus

To crawl, instead forge into

Distance, 

Dance!

Lover's Lot, this Knot

Flood of ocher,
Night enliven,
Flush awash, and
Render bantam skeptic flight
Of ever, solely Mine
Sanctioned moments at a time
In Focus, keen contrast,
But saline rinse to
Follow, kenned, soon, so
Mesmerize, meander thus
Entwined, for
Bait of Hera's blessing I am
Bound to covet,
Lost home, amnion,
Succor, hearth, and balm beseech.

And I

kissed, tasted
bliss
once and fell
and felt so strange
and flew

Serviette

wrinkle smoothed
as ink
swiftly jotted
melds, seeps in
steals and seals
heart to his,

barely brushed fingers
deft and done, sold
twined fates lit
in time, in light
in shining eyes

gentle flame

how decide
just bliss to find
in sips and wisps
of fortune, fame,
or each elusive gasp
of this?
how accept, unquestioned
drips and dribs or drabs of
keened, and keenly out-sought
adoration, care?
and how, or how again
magic find in
simple fact and faint
impression; gently, bright and
bended smile?

Spark

Rote, nor rhyme
Dare here intrude
Fancy's soaring race,
And stranger beasts
Ne'er hosted rave as this,
Atop fresh-bitter, breezy peak;
Or eye of catamount enchanted
Convulsion-plaited henna tresses
Float un-crimped, unhampered:
Jar assaulted, jolted, dropping down
Mine-shaft, mine unending,
Mine, oh mine for all time,
Grappled, tousled, twin-backed
Hydra, burn as slide, arch
Gasping, twining, flee this
Binding, rouse and burnish,
Banish, bearing bright aurora!
Sleep, my beauty, rest and
Conjure time again to rout
Suffuse away tepid, tormented
Torpor; douse, and scour
Perfidy scented eiderdown,
Anticipate less peace
Than ushered in.

The Art of Grace

Have I given, yet,
My all and everything?
Probe glimmers of taint,
Sleuth libations, 'thout
Thought of recompense, but ay,
Thirst for dregs of thy
Given,
Probe the depths
of offered.
Accept? Uneven
Compromise, but
Where the contact
Binding all to give?
Doubt allegiance,
Consort wanders;
Who begged whom
To stay?

Frival

Naught
It means to either, but
Cry! Side and skein
A battle 'sued, a thrall
Ball and chain smell
Twisted taut,
Leave, unthought, unnerve
But stay?
Ah, touch - just edge
of linger, crush'd evoked
To both alone.

Vestri Cupiditas?

Ever dreamed to be
My nightmare's villain?
Wake in cold sweat
Dread Sandman's beckon follow,
Sobbing swallow,
Drink to dim this,
Medicate away this
Past starvation, passed
Chance for resolution? Only
Cope and cope and cope again,
Or break with iron-will:
Fetal crumble, muffle,
Jerk in stifling, wail,
And finally, exhausted,
Sleep?
Ever dreamed to be
My darkest hollow?
Buried, best contained:
Strike wanton, only sometimes
Fresh and burn?
Scald, but cauterize,
Cast scar's neonate?
Just once more
Devastate?
Ever dreamed to
Full elicit Acheron,
Evoke, awake Gehenna's pit?
Banish, ransack hope as did
Neglect owned issue quake?

Rift

Sway, brought in by
Shiny smiles and
Promises:
A chain. You!
Place me here
Shame slathered - beautiful
Band-Aid in place,
Expect no repurcussive flight.
Shudder as I flee, emaciate,
Embrace the smog and rain,
Escape the Thumb of
Grace?

Cusp

At this juncture
Unify locale, or abrupt
Assunder sworn - a
Vocal tearing or
Manual mending
Touch, withdraw
Answer in shove or hold -
Become this day a
History of
Yea or Nae.

Eleven

Paralyze
This gout, o
Aragorn! Aloft unsheath
great Gilly's wrath and
Burn thy candle
Down in lemongrass
So sweet, such ache -
Toil on! Tho scars
Fade never, cut upon
This person rendered
Ever. Label made but,
Tom beseeching,
Undo this, my
Folly, on my way
Exposed by thy
Extended
Finger

Was I Really

Thus:
Fanatic to song, blight and shame?
Ridden, bound, and blamed
No contest?
Beg, kneel, weep to metamorphosize and
Fail, yet never hail to measure -
march, entreat, endeavor All to please,
Submit and be
Content with this?
Adept at this, accepting
This?
So broken, how
Re-rendered, set,
Kiln-fired to shine?
Selected nature theorized,
I crystallize, and wonder:
Trail satellite tails in
Spectacle, frame-bound
To terra, pine for sky, but none
So visible, ephemeral as this.
Symptomatic find, I am,
And was, and will, and on,
Yet somehow, days gone by
I was!

Cornucopia

And I have,
Juncture span - this breath,
A moment after each:
Breath of lily flower, shy
Gift of he I never
Would have deemed,
Have dared, align
My life beside.
And I have
Amity, awake,
Jowls' ivories
Away turn, flee.
And I have
Concord, both world and self
Applied, each taste the
Sweeter off my verdant
Vine, and I have
Mirth in élan;

As I reach and 

Take it, joy is

Mine!

Final Chapter

Try now, to rewrite
All pages gone, undo the done?
Alter feelings as, with effort bound,
These last few moments,
Gesture grand can take back
Stings, deceptions. Fault
Of mine,
It was! But wait until
Last call
To rectify, to purchase
Friendly drink;
Goodwill, going,
And gone.

Gift

To lift
Grasp
At straws, at all!
Frail motive find of
Will, or wit; oust
Clouded threads in thought
Of mind. Impulse so
Vague to bring, to wake. No!
Wait! Vertig now!
Los, las capsule break.
It's time. My greatest
Mystery to find,
Embrace! Float
Jagged-edge of conscious;
Flit.

Revisit

I ran away
Again
But not the same
Can mountain change,
Deepen hue and swell?
Glacial melt enable
Closing, distance,
Calm amid this flight
Un-terrified, despairing none?
Peace brought with,
Anon to be more
Found in canyon
There.

Approach

Catch
Deceitful breath, stands
Fast, no danger here,
But this, a step I've
Taken, not to be got back I
Quaver. Guessed right? Did I,
Or on moment's folly falter? Words
Spread wide, perhaps for
Scorn or anger wrought
Unjust response to mite's
Submission; waiting burns,
May answer, may or not,
As I resign. To know, perhaps in
Time, and maybe ever doubt,
And move regret, and ache
To have not.

Tuft

Sways, waving,
Verdant death, shore grasses,
Wildly, arctic-driven,
Crackle, flailed upon
With smattering tears
Of cumulus; drops rent by
Wailing, wanting,
Ever driving foehn;
Chinook by name, bends
Lashes pathway bare of
Breath or feather,
Smattering of sand.
Captured all,
Image bound in print:
Giclée adorns my wall;

A chill, a thrill, 

Smile wan for all

Entangled and enrapped therein,

A life begun and past.

What have I done?

Innocent weeps! Retract, rewind
Damn spot, upon my soul, upon
My life, blot, ebony-inked
And dried; erasure none and
Blame I heap. O wag on harpies,
Cranial conception, jeer and jar
Blameless injured and faulty, here
I cringe and wail, damaged none
Save how I and she see
Me

Gurge

In, in brought
Recorded, report it and
Share! This web,
World-wide butter spread
O'er not bread enough.
To take it all
In

You

One, many, all:

Follow, heed

Long, lonesome call

Oh, you! Don't leave me 

Stranded, soiled,

Speculating!

Adorn, enable, bear,

Make Desperate your 

Trophy, young and bold, and

Leave to polish silver,

Order, primp, design

To please you:

Own you/

Make you beg,

I beg

You!

Markham

escape from
form and
proper

Blast! Bite - tsetse masticate
cells of mine and
Firm, shared Crocuta serum too
I fly now, Beryl! Soar with thee
Kalahari's mote above and
Fall

fled from form
and proper
some escape

Past

Weighed and mired, baggage piled
Anon, aloft, in arms, I trail along, graft
Finds with ever, tight and bind securely,
Twine, meld, swing and smash!
At impasse, roads built round, as
Geisel showed, ever stalwart, bear
This burden, load I cling beneath,
Fain let one memory fall, though
Strain to carry, pain recalled. Yet
Would I, could I lighten, clean-sweep,
Posture aid and stride regain? Oh!
Might I? May I, Simon? Roll
These shoulders, loosen ties, and
Sigh. Sink, sweat and breathe. Deep
And long, and wide. Move on!

Discard

Filthy, flayed and gone,
Abhorent to phalanges now, as
Rendered droplets cluster, form,
Repugnant, cake, can't fathom,
Of squalor such, desire sated now.

Blemish

Earned in grime
Emblazoned for ages and
Swells offered brightly, been
Had and can't leave well alone, but
It's awful! Gristled, garish,
Ornament to bear and bare
Clean skin to Lancome, scrub,
Begging mark to fly.

Taken In

Grace, beyond measure or meld
Mind astounds mid this peace
Of tiny face. And feat
Beyond dreaming, finally safe
Surround in downy bliss and warm,
Cage, street, and lonetide,
Nuzzled and whispered away.

Stargazing

Do you
Ever gaze clear, find
Chill dread in distance of stars and
Fear in warm empty azure summer
Skies?
Has time
Ever brought you to knees
Paralyzed, jaw caught, to gasp
Internalize mortal weight, and
Cry?
And hope
Could it home in breast torn, in
Life atheized, abused to point
Of quake in clasp, inward bound,
Find?

Try

And I
Accelerate
Assume responsibility
Pursue connection, vault
Obstacle and gain, a
Measure of peace
And we
Deflect
Strange options met
Ensconced by solace
Frenetic bouts of self
In bond, in trust abide
And they
Illicit comprehension brew
Covet sans the chore,
Exertion laid apace beside
Can't have as you and I

Left

Err on side of
Judged rage, abashed
This quandary quakes,
Beneath and makes all rumpled
Covers fall aside, leave
Corpse, though wick, a chill,
A pall upon, for being gone.

Too Big

Absolve and find me! Wreak

vengeant rage a' they as wronged

Karmaic chrysalis I 

Dwell therein and seek

Fibers to sever, but nae!

A pouched cub, I writhe

But daylight sears 

Creased open keekers, 

Daren't face outside

Not yet - Allow space, 

But hold me, safe.

Superfluous

Done well, and finished
Packed away,
Sold! For farthing's twinkle
Gave o'er time, by rights
Given and un-poorly wrought
But not, by means of any
Perfect as I ought!
Good, enjoyed, admired - though
Less than compulsion requires,
And I, bereft of chances more,
Applauded, lauded, levy grace
To find a smile to paste this mouth
And face a night beyond
My imperfection.

Wage

Can, and do,
Will try so hard,
Beyond reason, past justice and judgement
Abandon scrutiny and fold, expand
Stage, unplanned redemption, flaw and flare
Completed, just to definition, this
Check-marked list longer by far
Than theirs, but Go, can, do! Fly and
Finish each thing, strong. Support,
Give effort and all, so amazing, the memories,
Achievements, things I'll make, heights
I'll ascend!
But I will be so tired...

Abridge

Tell me about yourself.

Ah, me: but who, which
Soul to bare and moments share
Shorn safety whip away and
Card so neatly, spin and
Weave which tale?
Give nickel-plated grin and gusto?
Depressed, success, misunderstood,
Convoluted, irrepressive, analytic,
Sweaty brow and heaving muscle?
Faithful, faithless, fearful, moody,
Careful, careless, caring, soporific,
Tidy, filthy, OCD, or wild and terror-stricken?
Bio of a million markers, scars
And meteors, now bound
To paragraph and page.

Turbulence

Weight bears,

Drowns drop on drop

Pounds, down and lee-side

Circling, flays.

Moan abreast, and find

each crystal flail a-splatter

Renders space invisible as I

Cup, sip, wish, watch, amazed

Want to fly in this, to ride

storm-astride to lift and foist

Tlaloc's fountain rage.

Anticlimax

Void.
Stride into
Should-be, strong
and tall, so slender wrought,
Ribbon-bound and breathless,
Painted, declaim! And ought
to feel more than this. Dreary
Pulse, sluggish though, and bright
Smile upon glamour.
Greet new devotees, embrace
Past love and gone way. Sway,
So slightly, grit and bear
Bravely dream of dreams today.

Fell

Hand
To face to feel to fold and
Hold, enfold in empathy and
Care, not jade nor turn, nor tear,
But bind, by merest touch
This beating core, for time,
With yours

Gaze

Met in fancy,
Swept by daylight's race
From view and notion fast,
So grieved unknown, retained not
Part nor partial to diurnal pace,
Pilot askew life's course, though
Inquiry begs to differ, no course
Suggested, direction ken by yearn alone;
Drive moonbeam's path to find
Envisaged, real, and face to face,
Passing fancy's reverie.

Bid

Glitz and lights
Number high!
Elect each item, found,
Tables, ticker tape aflow in
Sumptuous overfill and wine.
Cheers to this or other charity;
Pat back, each patron, clap,
applaud and laud and leave
Full-handed, piles of things
Unplanned and purse strings
Loosened much by wish
To far impress, digress, want
Luxury thing or that.
I found
A treasure or two
That night.

Kringla

Quilted warmth, stitch on stitch

Crackles grated in and POP!

Cocoon wrapped bliss 

Cocoa soothes, butter smooth

Absorb adventures out of pages

Hold, quiet, bluster out and drain

No need to face destiny today

Hidden from the rain.

Daguerrotype

Such color! Stain of amazing
Alive! Almost breathing, bleed
Saponin raw and abate.
Albeit, too late for this fancy
Bereft of romance, bright
Color, cool water, breath of breeze!
Rainier stands high - drive and climb,
Paradise beneath thee! And I
Scramble, little crab along,
Fire and ice carved canyon rim,
Abyss, fell water flees down, down
And in! Breath intake, glory and chagrin
Sob as all remembered falls,
Into undone past and fen, fain
Would I give searing ache away,
Should it render gone, one
Mystic, magic, mountain day!

Hebrides

Disarm eve's paramour, Clap in desperation
I do believe in faeries, Tink, I do!
Drunk the draught and I a flighty, fickle friend
I've run and flown and fairly lost and
Blizzard beat, I've swooned. Where's Nome?
Gritted fang and footpad spread, go
Onward - give greatly, count cheaply favors
Given; value high when got, receive them
Moved, as you are, altruist of self-deceit
So row, Michael, on, hallelujah!
Dock at Callanish's port, bow
And grieve again, in toil and heartache
Health and sickness, sorrow/joy
And crossed jots, Tesla's curse and cure
Written and done by Brynner's tone
Commands me there to sway.

Voice

Across space's gasping, grasping chasm

A reach, a reason dim spreads weakly

Petals strewn upon bald ground,

Beyond every damndest damn flung

Forth gone, bottle corked and tossed

Bobs beyond cleft coast, a missive

Lost! But time's betrayer, Fate, or

Luck, or guided Hand, or any

Reason brought away to spread

My word. You found it, broke,

Responded - oh, you heard!

Whelm

Beg each burden on

To climb, grip harder so as

Not to fall away. Pile on!

Lift and carry, Pilgrim!

Strain tendons, will, 

Credulity: can I

Do all this?

Clean ALL the things?

Be the best of me

Again? 

So tired, I beg

Overload to fall away, be

Gone! Leave me!

But then I find just

One more thing.

Honey-do list falls to me,

The list I wrote, to finish

Trails into oblivion!

Each hurdle daunts, derides:

Amelia flies and Orly shies and

Cornbread bakes and I've applied

Myself and won, directing Nana's 

Silly play and books are on their 

Way and I elect my own condition:

Never dull and never finished, but

Tired, oh so tired today!

Catch Up

Tread

In tor's shade,

Steady on.

Heather sweeps sweet scented,

Ruffled mountain's cape

Churn about my feet.

Craggy top bound,

Eye avert, focus

On each toe hold,

Hand to gravel,

Bring to purpose

Peak, 

Complete.

The Smell of Gentle

You know.
I can't explain it;
You remember!
Held in arms that knew you,
Wanted you to be
You, and saw
All faults and failings,
Didn't care. Cradled
You as you are.
Even just the once,
Held fast, held so,
Remember what it smelt like?
Peace, acceptance?
Love?

Hospice

Tightens, burns, I beg
Relief! Ah, sink,
Deft, gently stitch torn
breach to past, bring
Soporific, let me
Drift. Would I bask,
But Sol defies, I see
All blackness - cramping
Help me! Relieve! O!
Give me solace! Turn,
It's day again. Spent
The whole of last in agony
Or haze? I beg
Relief. Hear me?
Turn me, change. Oh! Didn't
Mean to soil. Shame - oh!
This morning, did I see?
A hand held mine,
Briefly.

Wed

Rock wall, stood
To crash, to rush
And flashing end find here upon
Shadow cast, 'gain blue contrast,
Save, resolute
And final, waves abate and
Splash! What show
And Solitude
Safe, these four feet
Keep me,
From sea's
Angry self, somehow a
Tame, predicted swell

Radio

Farmer in the Dell,
Roll on, Henry,
Face puffer wall, inflate,
Diffuse the fire and Fate
Smiles, apprehensive
Time, truth, or both
Led us back, Not
So different after all, Tim
Have a bit of
Faith in me, my little
Jewel, don't make me want
To make it better, Jude,
Beseech you please don't
Leave me
Sober
Now

Reach

Why not?
Worst thing, if I fail:
To fail
At just this one thing.
Trail feet in treetops,
Moonbeam's tail
Ahead, I grasp
Hands empty! But,
Only lack of filling -
Not empty again.

Sensible

Imagine
Ran away, I
Saw, pretended, met
Friends, frivolity
Ate, drank, merry-made, and
Live tomorrow, long
And prosper? But
Must apply, abide, arbeit,
Days in/out, toil on
To solve, attain, and keep
As Mine
These things? So -
So humdrum,
Acceptable,
So strong to weave
Cords attach
Possessions to me,
Fast! I labor;
I will work to
Make illusion last.

Cordis

Heave to! Tide waits none,
Nor we tarry, dawn encroaches!
Sweeps to sea, to stink and rot and
Creaking flight, to Open sky, to
Swells, to life! But!
Tug! vain, silly strings - tug
Beating, quavering polestar
Right about - and, beam of smiling
Turn wanderlust-rid seafarer back
To port of call, I shall not
Wander more, I shall not go
Gently into that cold night, I
Shall not leave thee, Exeter!
My gift, again my song, I bring,
I carry with me home.

Hold

Tiny token, this
Mini trifle, edge and haft
Of bliss, a pixie's lips not far left
A-trembling, trip air's wings lightly
Bring weed's trophy deft and flit
Grasped close, enough of dancing
Carry soft to land and root
Draw milk, drink earth's dew
Nestle, softly smile
And rest.

Hunger

Hours of moments - Want,
but wait, prepare, caress, imagine.
What will be when had, oh satiety!
I dither, dicker, hum along to
Radio and hymn - as kitchen bound
and lethal carbon's twist sought out,
platter present, and oh! lament! I wanted
Once. I did, I truly! What of all this
cavern's echoes caught the longing,
took it back and hence, now
rather than partake, I weep.

Today's Me

Contentment breeds.
Give on? Oh, it's fine.
No matter, the little way
a molehill, only. Ply trade
of deceit and pass this by
I can't be bothered to clean
that mess, so skip! Don't knock.
Here, I'm busy being peaceful:
have what I need and then
some wants fulfilled, least
not of all my fullest heart
So many loves to live and care
them all for. My lives and past
horizon glimmers, lace arm in arm
and fingers twine and skip. I
wouldn't miss this, though
Hell should bar the way, to be
today's version of this life,
I lead.

How do you Suppose?

What's the color of your pen, Jim?
Attorney fees collected, saunter off
Grab coffee. Just a little white one -
Coffee. Cream and crystal sugar.
Just a minor indiscretion. Pause
For relief of headache, tension,
Take a "pill" inside the whorehouse
Ease your nerves.
Don't be caught, Bill: though
All fib to hide our dark side,
All have to cover up, save Glenn,
Any others there?
Not to stare, as Matthew said, but
True! Deny biology and fate -
Choose to be faithful, cleave
to none other - though she changes?
Will's star-crossing eschew
Though she wavers, waits toe-tapping
nags, you napping, sighs, rolls eyes,
And yet!
Will you kneel, will you ask?
Fall into the trap, the task? And pledge,
Though all be lost, to lose yourself in this?
And risk?

Beast

Grog, spice and song, avast! Alas!
My mind I've hidden long, my cropped
locks gone, a-smear my smile and glance
to be recognized and seen. To shed
both frill and frolic, must appear as low.
In full dressage, I mocked the epic, found
enraptured public longed to see, to feel, to be me
and yet, was I, made up to seem as I
should be, should I choose the mirror, glare,
the glitz of adoration to my shoes
I walk. I sleep and dream.
The few, the proud, crew cut and clean
stand tall, side-step the dance I be
and twist. I drive to drink and play DD
I burn and flame in search, in spite,
in play and I play at being this, press mute.
Aloud and proud and larger than
coldest reaper's blade - I dodge,
one-two, that vorpal blade, begone!
No! Give to me! I hunt. I stalk
and trace, soft patterns on your face
and skin, embrace, and twine again,
seek out the ides, the ism, whys - give I
a rat's apparel? Addiction commercial and for
Swine! Have oyster's children, love them -shine!
I have found the Kraken and he walks,
he sleeps, he dreams
daily in my breast.

Over

Heat and humid heart have faced thee
Gone, Florence, let be! As have been
To come anon - patience! Let's fall and
Fall in sway will brighten, chill.
Bring the little death, flurry by, rise
And circle blue painted pole to say
Again to welcome, May abide
Enlighten all and lift, dune grass
In offshore gale to sway, in grey.
Remind me, sweep, of Ever and gone
Sigh and enter dog days on.

Worth

Not who you thought
I would be, not the Beth
To stay home sweetly, not
The all-devoted, shy, and
Musically inclined to bring to life
Borrowed ivory. Not studious, wispy,
Sad and lonely, soft and sickly,
Penitent and holy, gone before
My time so you could miss me.
Not who you thought
Or expected, not M.E.
To save some pages, not
The dauntless case for right,
Courage to face mobs and rifles,
Faith enough to fish for passage money, not
A lover to a leader and crusade,
Bring family to follow me, and teach
So you could hear me.
Not who you dreamed
I would be, not a
Little copy of you, not
A caterpillar chaser in
A kitchen take my shoes off,
Rest my aching, swollen feet! Not
Sad or lonely, soft and sickly,
Strong and twisted, oft outspoken
My beliefs you disagree
So you debate me.
Not who you thought
I would be.

Wait

And on
Drift, hold, paddle a time
Rock over, chafe, drain
And on
Imagine ticking, chiming, passing
Solitude no more, and arms
Enfolding, touch of care
And on
Pretend it's over, burning sun
Gone down and spent, salt
Encrusted self entrusted
to a Self of new interpretation
On
It must be over
Soon

Just So

Test over
Little one
The world outside wails on
Best beloved, let's stay
Inside and watch the rain
Today
Swallow. Chant:
I did not lose you
Did not fail
Taffimai, I went
And did, and found, and kept
Protected you as ought
Today
What mischief
Little one,
Will you make
When next we go about
To play?

Thatch

Apothecary gie me
summat t' fix awd aching:
I lost anither hope this day.
Hie to hame a' spare nae haste!
I quake a' greet a' tremble,
await yer luving arms' embrace.

Smelt

Burned and beaten

Iron, steel, worked as fitted

Whim and tally-ho and wield as though

Protectant shield, lance, awl, to span,

Minute flint spalls, aft and gone

Pour imperative, steam on! And build

Each spattering drop a testament

To ore of rock, to matter’s mind

To Mastery of glittery find, of stain

Of power, strain, sweat, Smithy, blow

Air to cool and shape and vent,

Air to chill, add blast torment to

Ready twisted, battered haft

Suffers to become as must

Core-self, real self, esteemed-high self.

Never to self-pity self, smooth, deft

As ever practiced, twisted, wicked blade.

Waif

Had I blinked, I’d

Have missed this little

Miss misfortune, had I

Stepped the other way:

Unknown passing on my head,

But somehow turned this way, a

Quivering, cowering lone li’l beastie

Trused me, completely.

And home we went, and home we are

Gone the days without those eyes

Sparkling, dancing, dart around my feet

And curl beside me, oh, little she!

Did I notice this piece missing, in life?

Or feel an emptiness, a hole, a place

That needed filled, awaiting

Little miss?

More Room

Bark fingers, follow Elle
Bend and snap and snap again!
Wrestle cousin, friend, own arm
For brighter day, unknowing:
Ra rolls on, supplies with D
Bathe chlorophyll-sought power
Render reaching faulty.
Root then for rain, twist
and shout at weight above borne
Pale twigs thickening, turn:
Envious and bold, grow on!

Zen

In twilight dim, along this road
Step, stay, skip and skim,
Pause, reflect, hale evening in.
Let loose the morning, noon, and now
Peace and still bring in to hold
Exert in motion, tension ease
And follow Sol in care to sleep.

Judge This!

From ash, from hemlock, fir and vine
Flit the wee things, hum and stir
Fern's gully shines, Meeko dives,
And Na'vi follow Toruk on-
If Santayana's folly true, we'll
Praise Dear Leader, adage bold
Become a Pastwatch series, fall,
Find Cristóbal Colón's Creator, take
Liberties with history's soul, evolve
and eke as Ik - have they remembered true?
Self-preserved, at infant's cost and wail,
No chance, but one, and grasped as life
Ebbs in, eggs on, crowds out the id,
Ego inflated, altruist again antagonizes,
Sigmund, I fear you see aright, and so
I parse and psychoanalyze my life.

Unfixable

Touch gently hearts and twine
Sparkling newness, brightly shimmer
Learn all new and dance in sunlight
Whisper nothings, stargaze write of Love
and slowly fit to grooves and mold and
One day find, that nothing new rends
Love less fascinating, chase is over
tea is cold and sink drain beckons -
This is over, done, and gone.
Now only left to break the news
Hide, wait, put off the heartbreak
Watch and pity, day to day, as
Love goes on unknowing. Pity leans to loathe,
Learns to look down.
Can't stand around and then
Someone smiles and lights your fire.
You must have this new thing: lust
pushes, draws you on and in, speaking
Learning, want to love new, leave the old.
And so, the heartbreak, at this last moment,
Made impersonal, ease your guilt,
to injure less, if only never known
Tonight's conquest plans. But what?
Dare to question you, your reasons?
Lowered, begs. Pity faded, loathing in;
No appeal can move you now. How dare
Reason with rejection? Go!
Before your new love finds, your past -
Humiliated, weeping, whom you loved before.

Curse of Happiness

Given roundaboutly
Deceit in mind, stealth to hand
A gift, a torment. Wounds flung open;
Swallow, smile and take the treasure. Thank
Messenger's hand caught
So gently stones betwixt and ween.
Cursed tiny flower, could have stayed
Roadside haply, given thoughtlessly anywhere -
to other heart. Other hand. Not this, not mine!
Re-draw shattered soul to fire. Is this to mend?
Melt edged pieces, mold a hold
To steep the roses, sip the joy
Happiness is happiness,
Route is moot. Is angst, this time
Is foiled.

Dervish

Forge, find, and flaunt it - exhude, exhale
Some way to breathe! Face and force
Focus, stare, glare and glimmer - believe!
Think you're this star shine, ebony pale
and in contradiction's echoed sympathy
Learn to grieve. And give, and burn for me!
Spin, grin, invite the flashing paparazzi in!
Nothing to hide means nothing's safe,
But no shame. Holds unbarred, light away
and trail those envied glory clouds
'Cross meteor-streaked wonder sky
Flail madly into outer darkness find
Emptiness and nothing. Fly!

Donum of Fides / Trepidus Mihi

Brutus' ally? Et tu you?
Sweet eyes have lied; I fell as did our CIA to
Hiss and Ames alike, I am no stranger here.
Dare believe in once and always?
Tim'rous beastie, plans I've made,
Ever after, striven for again
In dark and dim and dreading
Loss and fearing leaving. Oh
Beowulf slay my demon Doubt!
Fool me once and shame to lies,
But dare I play the fool anew?
In song, ride on, bold Highwayman,
To this Bess awaits your call,
in dark night, trigger mine.
A blast, as sought by Fawkes,
Enfold my works in fire, and Bang!
Believe? Dare I, Marion, flee
to the Greenwood Tree, and
give with you to they who need?
So strong am I, steel beneath this sugar sweet,
From disappointment, loss, regret: am I
Ready once again now, Pollard? Guide me
Win my "Hunnert Grander", heart and feet!
As tread on softly, steady, falter none
Believe? I want to! Bring me home!

Sing

Because I can
Music plays and bounds -
Why stand, toe-tapping on to
Merely hear and hum?
Wallflower, wilt and see
As she and he and he
Winnow in and flit about and
Hive and have and live and I
Look on, but no!
No more for me the side of things
No shadow's edge, peer from the frame,
I'll Be, be me, and he and he and she
Can see, hear and think what they will
I'll be and loudly so and find
My time and place and self in this
Night of deciding and dreading
And freely wheeling whirling mind
to fathom on the way I'll hide in
Open air and brash portrayal -
Fear will tremble, set aside.
Breathe deep, abandon peremptory call,
Lower lashes, unclench hands, and Sing!
Sing out, and long and loud of vindication
Empty into song all tension, strain,
Negatives and worry push out, away.
Drain! And leave stage empty,
Exhausted, savage, free.
A sponge to each next thing.

Tossed

Trampled 'neath careless discarded mess
Filthy and alone, hope abandoned, lifts
"saved" today for one night's stand!
Harsh morning's light sheds, glares,
Exposes inconsistencies. Now the one,
Or the first - which life better? Frenzied
Passion now, for chance of ruin? Or
peace and reprimand. O choose!

Tangles

Strings of this heart
Wrapped so tight round
Fearless stranger. Lie
down and give pretense all;
Stand tall for tiny something.
Face wished-on good, for greater:
Judge tomorrow, guess, divine,
And reason cannot fight these
Twists inside, and love like mine.

Today's Promise

Make same promise
Day on day:
To try,
To build,
Not success,
Just enough;
A step, though small,
An effort, push,
Brick by brick; this wall
Tear down and let
The sun shine in!

Writer's Block

Assigned creation, stare at space
Muse, I'd like, but nae mair seek
Nor mind's gaze to Lethe flit
Bare walls, a spider's skein
Attention's wage appropriate
Faults nor epic fathoms make.

Not Like Me

Impossibly far, but reach!
Beyond belief, opposed space,
Touch new and neverending, how?
For now. Today. 
Blend yang with yin and Tao,
Tie-dyed pang with hope just
Found. Hold fast, grit jaw,
And vow. For all and always
Mine!

Making it Work

No pretense
No balance, fragile: fear to break the silence -
Speak! And hear, and know all open
Here - small stings of real, avert
Catastrophe of built-up bites and strain;
Bind, build, and make a life
Of compromise, to last.

Scotch Broom

Dominated, frustrated,
Incapacitated by this;
Such a tiny thing, and lovely
In its way, brings
Misplaced blame, attack my
Self and wear away a
Semblance of ease
Golden froth
of layered petals
Muffle breath
And swell, and sear
Worn and weary me.

And Go

Found? Doubt evidence sound,
Exclude to exhaust and enhance -
Abound, expound reason to remain
Lost. Hypothesize ten thousand
Fireflies and fall asleep in bed of
Memory sweet, foam and form to me,
Set, gently, night, embrace me! Wait!
Embrace? Solo form aqui, and so
Arise and go, to rusty springs and
Terrapin, to pine and wait for two,
For evidence again, to be discovered
Understood, enfolded. Found.

Less of a Dork

Still carrying, moving

On, up, away!

Sweet milky tea I sip a while

Then shower tears aside and lie,

Say I'm okay.

Not so alone, and not afraid:

What left to fear have I,

After shattered dreams and hope

Rebuilt last time, betrayed.

Impersonal waste, the words untrue -

Sentiment aside! I wavered, gave

All to try, all selfless pride, 

Became the shade, set mess to rights, 

Abandoned shame and begged

for change. Too much, I should have

Stayed ridiculous and same. Not 

Evolved as someone subtly sane, less

Of a dork than I had been.

Dredge

Call forth lost times

As though to change 

If I re-analyze. Should have said...

Could have done...

Nothing. I am I and would do

Just the same, so why

Drag through old miseries?

Re-live dreams woken,

Correct words, not spoken in time

Let them go! But, as me,

At this time, to embrace

Where I've been: To enhance where I am,

Re-discover all the jigsaws fitting in

Instead of chasing shadows

In memory's fickle rain.

I Do!

Tread,

Inhale, one foot ahead.

Forward into this

Abyss of world and wide awake -

Belong and quake afraid

To lose? To keep me safe?

Or lose myself again in shadow;

Follow, imitate?

Retreat? Can't leave this,

Can't shake this dread, but 

I look up and, oh

My welcome! 

Tread,

Next foot forward into this,

Horizon of home and love and heart's

Sweet bliss ahead! 

On Edge

Lie back

Pretend comfort, peace

Reach, touch, clean.

Do things! Live here, 

Be real here, and how

not be Really here?

Check connection status

Online, in arms, distant, here

Blocked! and walled-in

Peeked out and slammed,

Withdrew again. Why my

defenses, paper thin, build

Walls of steel

Un-fathomed. Real

and I the other side.

And I Bleed

Not for hurt, not for time;
Ember of living, scab end flow!
Tie off so well, internal floods
tears of the inside, the being, my life!
Whispers of time flown and
can't be got back.
Tourniquet pulled and alone
to clot, attempt to stop;
Heal and undo, yet i bleed.