As Alice

Cheshire grin of sliver moon
slips round willow whispering
Shiver now, goosebumps abound
When Jabberwocky creeps inside and
Hunts elusive, centered mind,
Hidden long from drunken queen,
power hungry, cruelly sought
Tally-ho behind a fleeting flight
chased, mocking, prey that sought
exit from exposing flaws and
One by one, all cutting down
Sliced in vein in vain revenge
As shards of broken looking glass
bleed their crystal tears again.

Drive

drive the droves
in driven fury
fight this fiend's flattery
frantic with worry and
give on given graven goods
though grief stricken
go!
and learn to live again.

Earned Solace

Scramble

Grab roots, sweat and

Climb!

Granite under mulch and 

twists of vine. 

World is all warm dirt and grasp,

Strain as horizon

Breaks over crest;

Freedom greets my peace;

Emptiness, solitude

finds its place at last.

I Want to Believe

Endings

Many and many and more

So hard, a realist, I'm

Cynical now.

All ends!

And this,

It will go, much

as I beg lasting. Much

as I long, it will

End.

Like the rest. 

I don't, can't believe in 

Forever.

But oh,

Here now, with this,

Hope gleams, 

And I wish.

Learning Steps

Crave
This gentle jealousy
I see
The way you shine,
Reflect in eyes so proud
Have I ever shone so bright?
Ever, held so close in thought,
Been recipient of care
And wanted?
Worlds shifted for you
When you arrived
Cravings tossed aside, you became
The new addiction, reason to be!
And I, was I a reason,
Ever, even to share?
To care at all? But,
No begrudging, no remorse
Can I hold toward you.
How could I? You shine
In eyes so proud,
In mine!

Zolpidem

Ebb inside and work beneath
Drowse into being and slumber
Oh sleep! Medic aside, I tried
In dreaming's camp, on pillow rest -
Hours before I'm needed yet. And so
I pose as once I floated on and
bid the daylight pass along.

Desensitized

(This is why depersonalization episodes are horrible sometimes. I almost don't want to post this one.)

He dies
In my arms, on this table.
Compressions won't fix
his stiffening heart, yet I press
and press on
Come On! He won't breathe, can't.
And as I say "we've lost him"
My mind catches hold of an old
Joke. And I stifle giggles,
while she stifles tears.

Ended Hoard

How?

This place so big

Is this how home feels?

Safety? 

Scared of the absence of fear

Of stink, cramp, and horror:

We're all alive and clean here.

How?

And then, a change, a ride, a friend.

Is this home now? 

No bars, the walls so far away.

Is this how daylight feels?

Dare to run? Dare not? Space and sky and love,

And little me.

Drag

Do I ever remember
The bliss of well-rested?
Jacks lack of slumber, stalks
Attack as I rise. Eat, drink, and be
Merry all day. Manic, push, evade
yawn and giggle. Then as late arrives
Wide, wide those eyes and smile -
Now is my time! But to dream?
No, to be! This is me! And my high
and my drain. Someday I will
rest again.

Better than

Almost good and right

So close to fitting, squeeze!

Burst seams, but try

It's almost love to last and

Almost all my life.

So fall, yes, but drop and maim?

Abandon, leave crushed

someone you claimed to love 

until time stood still?

Fell apart, not quite right

But truth told, harsh and clear

More right than this, easier 

to bear than estranged tears. Go, 

if you must, but at least

Say goodbye!

Blood is Thicker

Run!

When facing can't break

Too much this risk 

to take with an argument

Maybe a failing to tear it away.

But run!

Too many sleepless and sobbing nights

Hide the crying 'neath covers

Tight around. Don't let them in

to know that it hurts!

Run!

Though joints and breath fight it

genetically so, was it planned? For shame, No!

Unintended rending, this, not abusive,

Said it's all okay. Said I'm a fool to go,

But run!

Build up courage to face

In time, heal, and make life thy own

My own. My defense, solace, place.

Trust in someone, if at all I breathe,

Finally give, finally care, just to grieve:

Waited so long for a shoulder,

I can only cry alone. Please,

Don't let me be alone. Or I must

Run!

Mulligan!

Terrace, course coarseles,
Nature sculpted smooth
Leaves bend as willed,
Wilderness, wildless.
Tidy acres glisten
a-dewed of sprinklers
ticking on.

Break into Canter

I hear your wildness
Hearts beat together, skip,
Test boundaries, cautiously
Untried and unsure, yet destined for truth
Earth core's stirred energies,
For both of us stored. I to ride,
you to run, and we
We!
Discover the greatness of whole
Of this race, and this place
under the wide Father Sky!

So Much

Gift
Spreads thin time:
Some taken for kindness,
Cleft hardening doubt and bought
By gentle thought and dear.
One tiny gift, gesture plain,
Lifted my world tonight.
I give thanks.

Evening

Day gone, flown on:
Come, Maude, the garden calls us still,
As jasmine, heady, sinks around and
Smog, polluted, vile, enchants,
Trails wisps of agate sky to twist
And eddy gentle, soft breeze lift
So mind's eyes drink in dusky dim
As cellar door lies open, begs
us lightly enter in.

Again

More?
Aught to follow, now
After Hell itself burned bright around
My cow'ring form,
Amid the shiny demons?
More, now?
To try again, to lift, to life
Though panic flight incites,
And cringing arm withdraws?
Quail? Not I...
But I, chill dread accept and turn.
Easier to face
The solitary road ahead
Than risk
Yon jagged, gaping hole,
Awaits my lifted eye!

Facing Tension

Hold steady. Hold and
Be! Thy ohm afloat,
Find peace and try, oh try!
Tennyson's "Courage" roams a loss
Beside despair in frantic eyes.
Dinna fash! My love, serene
Ever so softly, caresses. Wash
eddies of jetsam in air aside.
Hold, oh hold - echo Rose's plea
Give tension leave to pass
Marrow soothe and grieve as
Sorrow flows: let it go! Be sad,
stand gutless, stand guiltless, afraid and Be!
One in empty, full of grief, but stand
aside nirvana, don't let go!
Cleanse by bearing, find
amid emotions wild, thy peace
Surrender, breathe, and find
yourself for me!

Just Met

How so strong a bond
Friend for life of just
One evening? Meet
Random in the street:
Warm inside and smile.
Greet, fret none, sigh.
Embrace. Walk on, and I
Will call you if I need
You're there, no doubt
Faithful, fierce, so kind
Glory be the name of
Friend, one magic night
for life!

Foster

Handed on to better
Gift of farewell, lifted, gone.
Confusion, right, and good
Supposed it would be
An easy goodbye -
not gone forever, I'll see
how hearts will graft and twine;
Life with theirs combine.
Forget my home, my bed,
My entire involvement.
This was supposed to be
An easy goodbye.

And I Have

Love moves, inspires
I do for this, whatever
Anything. That's love
To do, to be
Everything.
And bliss is mine to find
I'm wrapped inside your life
And love, and arms
This time of holding on
Not perfect forever.
But good, oh, so good
For ever so long.
And mine.

Relay of Life

Walk
In the lane clearly marked
"For Runners/No Walking" and arrows
Snide tide, I hold back
because you walk.
Crookedly, slow,
Lap upon sweltering lap
I pass again, swooping
Around and gasp as I churn
legs, arms, and breath, faster!
Bitten tongue again,
As I swerve to pass and you
Walk
Though reading, or caring for rule, seems
not the strongest suit for you.
You walk. Slowly
to remember, and fight
To beat the demons.
You walk.