Worth

Not who you thought
I would be, not the Beth
To stay home sweetly, not
The all-devoted, shy, and
Musically inclined to bring to life
Borrowed ivory. Not studious, wispy,
Sad and lonely, soft and sickly,
Penitent and holy, gone before
My time so you could miss me.
Not who you thought
Or expected, not M.E.
To save some pages, not
The dauntless case for right,
Courage to face mobs and rifles,
Faith enough to fish for passage money, not
A lover to a leader and crusade,
Bring family to follow me, and teach
So you could hear me.
Not who you dreamed
I would be, not a
Little copy of you, not
A caterpillar chaser in
A kitchen take my shoes off,
Rest my aching, swollen feet! Not
Sad or lonely, soft and sickly,
Strong and twisted, oft outspoken
My beliefs you disagree
So you debate me.
Not who you thought
I would be.

Wait

And on
Drift, hold, paddle a time
Rock over, chafe, drain
And on
Imagine ticking, chiming, passing
Solitude no more, and arms
Enfolding, touch of care
And on
Pretend it's over, burning sun
Gone down and spent, salt
Encrusted self entrusted
to a Self of new interpretation
On
It must be over
Soon

Just So

Test over
Little one
The world outside wails on
Best beloved, let's stay
Inside and watch the rain
Today
Swallow. Chant:
I did not lose you
Did not fail
Taffimai, I went
And did, and found, and kept
Protected you as ought
Today
What mischief
Little one,
Will you make
When next we go about
To play?

Thatch

Apothecary gie me
summat t' fix awd aching:
I lost anither hope this day.
Hie to hame a' spare nae haste!
I quake a' greet a' tremble,
await yer luving arms' embrace.

Smelt

Burned and beaten

Iron, steel, worked as fitted

Whim and tally-ho and wield as though

Protectant shield, lance, awl, to span,

Minute flint spalls, aft and gone

Pour imperative, steam on! And build

Each spattering drop a testament

To ore of rock, to matter’s mind

To Mastery of glittery find, of stain

Of power, strain, sweat, Smithy, blow

Air to cool and shape and vent,

Air to chill, add blast torment to

Ready twisted, battered haft

Suffers to become as must

Core-self, real self, esteemed-high self.

Never to self-pity self, smooth, deft

As ever practiced, twisted, wicked blade.

Waif

Had I blinked, I’d

Have missed this little

Miss misfortune, had I

Stepped the other way:

Unknown passing on my head,

But somehow turned this way, a

Quivering, cowering lone li’l beastie

Trused me, completely.

And home we went, and home we are

Gone the days without those eyes

Sparkling, dancing, dart around my feet

And curl beside me, oh, little she!

Did I notice this piece missing, in life?

Or feel an emptiness, a hole, a place

That needed filled, awaiting

Little miss?

More Room

Bark fingers, follow Elle
Bend and snap and snap again!
Wrestle cousin, friend, own arm
For brighter day, unknowing:
Ra rolls on, supplies with D
Bathe chlorophyll-sought power
Render reaching faulty.
Root then for rain, twist
and shout at weight above borne
Pale twigs thickening, turn:
Envious and bold, grow on!

Zen

In twilight dim, along this road
Step, stay, skip and skim,
Pause, reflect, hale evening in.
Let loose the morning, noon, and now
Peace and still bring in to hold
Exert in motion, tension ease
And follow Sol in care to sleep.

Judge This!

From ash, from hemlock, fir and vine
Flit the wee things, hum and stir
Fern's gully shines, Meeko dives,
And Na'vi follow Toruk on-
If Santayana's folly true, we'll
Praise Dear Leader, adage bold
Become a Pastwatch series, fall,
Find Cristóbal Colón's Creator, take
Liberties with history's soul, evolve
and eke as Ik - have they remembered true?
Self-preserved, at infant's cost and wail,
No chance, but one, and grasped as life
Ebbs in, eggs on, crowds out the id,
Ego inflated, altruist again antagonizes,
Sigmund, I fear you see aright, and so
I parse and psychoanalyze my life.

Unfixable

Touch gently hearts and twine
Sparkling newness, brightly shimmer
Learn all new and dance in sunlight
Whisper nothings, stargaze write of Love
and slowly fit to grooves and mold and
One day find, that nothing new rends
Love less fascinating, chase is over
tea is cold and sink drain beckons -
This is over, done, and gone.
Now only left to break the news
Hide, wait, put off the heartbreak
Watch and pity, day to day, as
Love goes on unknowing. Pity leans to loathe,
Learns to look down.
Can't stand around and then
Someone smiles and lights your fire.
You must have this new thing: lust
pushes, draws you on and in, speaking
Learning, want to love new, leave the old.
And so, the heartbreak, at this last moment,
Made impersonal, ease your guilt,
to injure less, if only never known
Tonight's conquest plans. But what?
Dare to question you, your reasons?
Lowered, begs. Pity faded, loathing in;
No appeal can move you now. How dare
Reason with rejection? Go!
Before your new love finds, your past -
Humiliated, weeping, whom you loved before.

Curse of Happiness

Given roundaboutly
Deceit in mind, stealth to hand
A gift, a torment. Wounds flung open;
Swallow, smile and take the treasure. Thank
Messenger's hand caught
So gently stones betwixt and ween.
Cursed tiny flower, could have stayed
Roadside haply, given thoughtlessly anywhere -
to other heart. Other hand. Not this, not mine!
Re-draw shattered soul to fire. Is this to mend?
Melt edged pieces, mold a hold
To steep the roses, sip the joy
Happiness is happiness,
Route is moot. Is angst, this time
Is foiled.

Dervish

Forge, find, and flaunt it - exhude, exhale
Some way to breathe! Face and force
Focus, stare, glare and glimmer - believe!
Think you're this star shine, ebony pale
and in contradiction's echoed sympathy
Learn to grieve. And give, and burn for me!
Spin, grin, invite the flashing paparazzi in!
Nothing to hide means nothing's safe,
But no shame. Holds unbarred, light away
and trail those envied glory clouds
'Cross meteor-streaked wonder sky
Flail madly into outer darkness find
Emptiness and nothing. Fly!

Donum of Fides / Trepidus Mihi

Brutus' ally? Et tu you?
Sweet eyes have lied; I fell as did our CIA to
Hiss and Ames alike, I am no stranger here.
Dare believe in once and always?
Tim'rous beastie, plans I've made,
Ever after, striven for again
In dark and dim and dreading
Loss and fearing leaving. Oh
Beowulf slay my demon Doubt!
Fool me once and shame to lies,
But dare I play the fool anew?
In song, ride on, bold Highwayman,
To this Bess awaits your call,
in dark night, trigger mine.
A blast, as sought by Fawkes,
Enfold my works in fire, and Bang!
Believe? Dare I, Marion, flee
to the Greenwood Tree, and
give with you to they who need?
So strong am I, steel beneath this sugar sweet,
From disappointment, loss, regret: am I
Ready once again now, Pollard? Guide me
Win my "Hunnert Grander", heart and feet!
As tread on softly, steady, falter none
Believe? I want to! Bring me home!

Sing

Because I can
Music plays and bounds -
Why stand, toe-tapping on to
Merely hear and hum?
Wallflower, wilt and see
As she and he and he
Winnow in and flit about and
Hive and have and live and I
Look on, but no!
No more for me the side of things
No shadow's edge, peer from the frame,
I'll Be, be me, and he and he and she
Can see, hear and think what they will
I'll be and loudly so and find
My time and place and self in this
Night of deciding and dreading
And freely wheeling whirling mind
to fathom on the way I'll hide in
Open air and brash portrayal -
Fear will tremble, set aside.
Breathe deep, abandon peremptory call,
Lower lashes, unclench hands, and Sing!
Sing out, and long and loud of vindication
Empty into song all tension, strain,
Negatives and worry push out, away.
Drain! And leave stage empty,
Exhausted, savage, free.
A sponge to each next thing.