The Choice

I sighed; fear melted, 

Retreated far, to howl alone.

Because I owned what I would do:

My misery and blackness could not win, 

If I would take them in my arms, 

Embrace the dark, and go.

I was almost ready.

There were some loose ends

To tie up, and things to finish first.

But then, my end my own,

And I felt clean. Never more free.

I made a list.

Responsibilities, godparents,

Beneficiary. Impact I want to know and have,

And things to do before I'm gone.

I wandered: shivered under Drakul's gloom,

Lay atop Tikal's red stone. I climbed Zugspitz, 

Waded the Cays; I paused in Hiroshima, somber.

Danced Times Square on New Years' Day.

And I felt quick, the dark and fear receding,

Planned as I went on, the way 

I still would end the madness. 

I was almost ready, 

But I must grieve first, for a reason other than the dark.

And so, I gave hospice my heart and cried for losing

Bitten's toes, and then the list grew longer still.

I breathed the forests in, ran through a desert, 

Cursed at the moon, and sang again.

I made new friends, and tried the shrink, the meds

(What harm can come, this close to ending all?).

To see if there's a difference,

Then bigger goals, and more important 

Things, to do before I go.

I planned to act, and how, and when,

But every time, forgot just then.

I am almost ready,

The list, exciting now, a challenge,

Adds so many things to do

Before I go, but I can do them all,

Impact my field, make suffering end

For those I can affect, I'll fix the broken friends

And hold the bending. Write amazing words, 

Change minds, be heard by those in power!

I am almost ready, 

I will surely make my end,

After I change the world.